John Lennon: Where Were You?

Image by Bob Gruen

I was 11 years old on December 8, 1980 and in the sixth grade. Reagan was president (and no, he's not my father) and music was still played on vinyl. I don't remember too many clear memories before this day, not the same as I remember the news that John Lennon had been assassinated.

It was night, and the TV was on. I must have been watching something as I was sitting on the floor in front of it and my mother came in from the kitchen and stood staring at the TV with her arms folded. I knew by her stance that something important had happened. I looked at the TV, then at her. "Who's he?" I think I asked, though I can't remember what my mother said. The TV showed a scene with lots of people trying to see something and spotlights.

In the morning, the car radio was on as my mother drove me to school. The news of Lennon's death seemed to be the only thing being broadcast. She still had the same grave expression as the night before mixed with something else. Everything seemed different, like everyone in all the other cars were thinking of the same exact thing. At school, kids crowded around outside the classrooms, chattering loudly.

Mr Schleiff, my teacher, was a gruff, temperamental former wrestler. He sat in his chair with his feet propped on his desk and a smug grin on his face as he surveyed his class buzzing about the news.

"So," he said slowly, enjoying the drama, "does anyone have anything to share for current events?"

Half the class leaped out of their seats with their arms raised, some going "Ooh Ooh Ooh!" Mr Schleiff seemed to be reveling in making the students wait to be called on, to be the first to say it. Finally, he called on Sean, and everyone else sat back down except for him.

"John Lennon was assassinated last night...." Sean began his declaration. I was so amazed as I listened to him and the other students that everyone seemed to know who he was. I was completely out of the loop.

Right away, my mother bought two albums, Imagine and Double Fantasy. We listened to them often enough for me to know some lyrics by heart, especially "Watching the Wheels".

People asking questions, lost in confusion
Well I tell them there's no problem, only solutions
Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I've lost my mind
I tell them there's no hurry, I-I'm just sitting here doing time...

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round
I really love to watch them roll
No longer riding on the merry-go-round....
I just had to let it go

My mother said that the chime played at the beginning of the song "Just Like Starting Over" was for his son Sean, and that it meant I love you. She told me that "How Do You Sleep" had been written about Paul McCartney, and that the noises Yoko makes on "Kiss Kiss Kiss" were recorded as she and John, well, did that. It was the first music I really felt, though at the time I didn't realize it. It was totally free of riddles and confusion. It didn't judge me at all or make me feel like I was all wrong. Years later, I remember sitting in the living room with the record sleeves in my hands, listening to music I knew we were listening to out of respect; maybe that's why I really also heard it....during a time of heavy fog, it was like an opening I saw through clearly.

When I die, I hope "Just Like Starting Over" is playing as I take my last breaths and my heart is beating it's final beats. I can't think of anything more appropriate to float away with.

Thanks, John

John Lennon, Just Like Starting Over


--DR

The Formal Film-Journey continues...

A couple weeks ago, I drove around on my day off with my two 35mm cameras; the Pentax K-1000 (color, Kodak NC160) and the Canon Rebel 2000 ( Ilford HP5 Plus, ISO 400), plus some new lens filters. I've only to get the color film processed and got a few that I liked only to find that my scanner isn't quite true to the print colors. I am not sure what to do about this, but for now I still had to enhance the images so they look as close to my color prints at I could manage.

I feel like I have a ways to go before I can say I'm really an artist at this point, but I feel as though I have at least found life beyond my DSLR, even though I still needed digital enhancements in order to make the images look like they need to. The important thing is that I HAVE THE NEGATIVES.

Sticking to it

Of Vast Interest, 2011


The declaration I made last week about shooting mainly with film has not been with any furious photo activity, or maybe it just feels that way because it's not realistic to go shoot a thousand photos. I have taken some photos, but I still have film to shoot on my cameras and don't feel like I am in a hurry. In the interest if keeping up with the blog, however, I thought I'd upload a few photos I took this past spring for my black & white class. While not perfect, I still like the images.

Till next time,

DR



Just Add Platforms, 2011




Still Life with Apple & Coil, 2011




Commuter, 2011




No Trespassing, 2011

I Found Out

Modern technology can be really great. Who would have ever thought that we would all be able to take photos on our phones one day, for example? And that we could take a million photos, only to delete them and start all over again?

There are arguments all the time amongst photographers about whether digital photography is better than analog (film). Many photographers who had been in the business for a long time gleefully sold any film cameras they owned and never looked back. For a lot of them, it was a business decision; clients now expect photographers to own a digital camera. It is, after all, much faster.

For those photographers who still shoot with film, the challenge is finding places who will process it. One can still have film developed at chain drug stores and camera stores, but black & white film must be shipped out somewhere or developed by the photographer. The typical consumer (if there is even such a thing) would bode well to buy a point & shoot camera for around $50-$100, or the latest Smartphone.

I can only speak for myself at this point when I say that film image quality is just better. I have several digital cameras which include one DSLR. I always felt like photography as an art form had gotten a lobotomy after I attempted to go digital. I was never really crazy about the pictures I was taking with my DSLR. At first I thought this was because I wasn't used to digital media. Now, though, it's been nearly two years and, while I've gotten more used to it, photography still feels muted rather than vibrant. Part of this is due to the fact that digital images are waaaaay taken for granted. If we can just delete them all and start over, where is the real challenge of getting light and location right?

I realize that everyone is different and am not about telling anyone what to (or not to) do with their art. But I am declaring that I will only shoot with film from now on unless the situation specifically calls for a digital camera, such as shooting live music in a darkened venue. When it comes to photography as a medium, there is still a lot of experimenting to do for someone who made the discovery later in the game.

--DR

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”--Steve Jobs

White

I am so lucky to feel this anger I feel. At least I know I can feel anything. I will not stop myself from saying how unfair things in life can be, not right now. We all have something to say, and fuck if I can't say what I feel because of whatever consequences may be there. I thought this would be poetic and creative, but I don't feel like it. It is what it is.

I don't know why I chose this photo to represent my blog post today, it just felt like the right one, I guess because it's ironic. It has been said that anger is not something to fear but something we should listen to. I am so angry now and I can stay in the cocoon of anger long enough to let what I am angry about pass by or reveal itself....I don't know which is the greener pasture.

----DR

Photo taken with Sony Mavica, floppy disc version

Church and State

It was February, 2009, and around 10:15 AM. I walked past St. Mary's Catholic Church in downtown Nashville on my way to my part-time job. The day was cold, gray and overcast. Late for work as I was, I saw the state flag wrapped around the angel statue's face, and knew that capturing the image was more important than getting to my job.

I had a little Panasonic point & shoot camera, the only digital camera I could afford right then, but it was enough. I think I must have drawn some attention from the passers-by as I climbed up the church steps to get the frame just right. This was very important, because even though the gray sky is the photographer's friend, one must take the time to get the story straight when shooting a candid photo. Was there no separation of church and state in the Bible belt after all? was what this image had me wondering.

The very next day, there was no flag. Someone took it down, and it has never been placed there again since. Was it because I so adamantly and visibly documented this moment in time? I will never really know.

---DR

Destiny

Above is a photo of my much-thumbed-through copy of Destiny by English author Sally Beauman, a novel I found somewhere when I was a teenager and which is one of my most favorite books EVER. Though the story is lush, Sally Beauman's exquisite writing skills are always a treat to read. It is a romantic, rip-your-heart out love story which begins during World War II and ends in around the early 1970's. It involves French royalty, Civil Rights in Alabama, Hollywood and high-end jewelry rivaling Tiffany, Cartier, and Bulgari.

Below is a passage which stood out to me today. In this scene, Helene, a stunning teenager and soon-to-be iconic actress, has discovered her mother is passed-out drunk in the trailer she shares with her. She is with Billy, a boy who also lives in the trailer park, who is the oldest of several children to alcoholic parents and who is the biggest outcast in the town besides Helene.

-----------------------------

"You know what Pricilla-Anne said tonight?" She couldn't look at him. "She said...she said my mother was a whore." She forced the word out, and Billy's head went up, quick, like an animal scenting danger. He took a step forward, and Helene held out her hand. " She did. That's what she said. She said everyone in Orangeburg knew it except me. All the men. She said...."

Billy's arms came around her. "Never mind what she said. Put it out of your mind. She's jealous."

"I can't put it out of my mind. I'll never forget it. Not as long as I live. And I want you to tell me. Please, Billy. I can't ask anyone else. I want to know. Is that the truth? Is that what they say?"

"Folks say a lot of things." He sounded awkward and embarassed. "Your mother's different, like you, and they don't like that, they can't bear that...."

"Is it true?"

Billy's eyes dropped for a second, and Helene felt her heart grow cold and still within her. After a while, Billy looked up. Then he stepped forward and gripped her arms tight. "You just listen to me," he said, "Listen. People do things-all kinds of things-if they have no money. If they're lonely. If they're running out of hope. You going to condemn them for that? I wouldn't. Because who knows what you'd do if you were in her shoes? If you got desperate.' He broke off. "She loves you, Helene. She's looked after you, the best she could. And no matter what she did--"

"But what does that make me?"

"It doesn't make you anything. You're you. You're the most beautiful thing I ever saw in all my life. You're Helene. And I think...I think you could bejust about anything you wanted. You understand? Anything." He gave her a little shake, then let her go.


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Excerpt above from the novel "Destiny" by Sally Beauman, 1987, Bantam Books.